Life

WHY WE’RE ATTRACTED TO WHO WE’RE ATTRACTED TO

Posted on July 29, 2020

Have you ever wondered why you attract who you attract? Or why you’re attracted to who you’re attracted to? & not just in the physical sense. I’m talking the entirety of the person. Like really analyzed why certain people peak your interest and others don’t?

I’ve been wondering that for some time and I think I’ve got it figured it out.

The answer or answers are a mix of things: the person’s physical appearance, how we were raised, how we were hurt + what we were exposed to.

In an era where we are all trying to be more introspective and work on our faults — we are understanding more than ever how much our past is tied to who we are + who we will become.

Also as our future dictates, who we will likely end up with.

So in this post, I want to further break down why we are attracted to who we are attracted to — through the analysis of physical appearance, how we were raised, how we were hurt + what we were exposed to. In each scenario, I’ll share my personal experience.

Keep reading for more.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

This one’s a bit tricky to dive deep into because sometimes it’s just as simple as we like what we like. We see someone and immediately feel this flutter in our stomach and our nether regions get to squealing (if you know, YOU KNOW lol). Whether you grew up watching people on TV who eventually became who you’re attracted to now. Or you just like what you like, your type is usually pretty singular. As for me, I think who I’m attracted to is reflective of who I grew up watching + liking what I like. A guy taller than me, with nice eyes, and an even nicer smile just about has my attention off the rip. The conversation and everything else will follow and ultimately be the deciding factor as far as my continued interest goes.

HOW WE WERE RAISED

So many experiences shape us in our lifetime, but I believe nothing has more impact on us than how we were raised. You may have been raised in the most loving home and act accordingly as a result of that. You may have even been privy to such love and are distant because of it. In either scenario, your search is either for the replica of such welcoming/ communicative love. OR, you are not so open to a “wear their hearts on their sleeve kind of partner” because of how you were suffocated with such love. Maybe you lacked something in your familial home that you refuse to lack in your own home/family. In my case, I’m always attracted to a man who understands the value (& importance) of honesty because my parents drilled that into me very early on in my life. I also hold the ability of a man to express themselves emotionally in high regard because I did not experience that growing up.

HOW WE WERE HURT

As far as lessons go, nothing is a better teacher than hurt, than pain of any kind. It drives you to never allow yourself to be hurt in the same way again. Now at times, being hurt by a situation the first time doesn’t always result in learned behavior. However, after the 3rd (and sometimes even the 4th) well… that hurt will make a teacher out of us all. As it relates to who we we’re attracted to — how we are hurt will always shape what we want as we move forward.

Was the last person you were in a relationship with disloyal and lacked honesty? Well you’re more than likely to be attracted to someone whose values align with honesty and loyalty. Someone who seemingly gives off the vibe that they can be trustworthy. Maybe the last person was absolutely terrible at communication, so naturally… The person who responds to text messages quickly and values your time will be on your “oooh lala” list LOL. They will naturally capture your attention and in most cases for that reason alone, keep it.

Personally, I’ve had the misfortune of dealing with someone a few years ago, who was absolutely TRASH when it came to communication. I’m talking disappear for daaaays then pop back up like nothing was the matter. Usually trying to hang out after days of radio silence. He was also someone that constantly made you question where you stood with him. His ability to answer questions with a straightforward answer? Nonexistent. That situation is why I’m extremely drawn to guys that prioritize intelligent conversation and overall communication. The moment I sense that isn’t the case though? Baby I bounce and quick.

WHAT WE WERE EXPOSED TO

This is where television/movies and so forth come into play. Certain movies we grew up watching have inadvertently conditioned us to look at a particular character as the superhero. The one who would come and save the day or the one who swept the love interest off their feet. Now depending on what gender you had an attraction for, you honed in on that character. Drawing further analysis into what made them the “hero” in the visual depiction.

Were they tall, short, dark or light in complexion. Whatever the case may have been you were drawn to them for one reason or the other. & as you got older it became clear what you liked or didn’t like in a partner. For instance, I grew up watching Morris Chestnut. So, men that tend to resemble him (or showcase certain characteristics that align with characters he played) usually peak my interests a lot quicker than the average Joe. That doesn’t mean that the “average Joe” couldn’t catch my attention. It just means that he may not be able to as quickly lol.

Now I’m sure there are several additional factors that play a role in why we’re attracted to who we’re attracted to. However, the ones I’ve outlined come to mind almost immediately.

However, in saying that — are there any key ones that I missed?

Let’s chat about it in the comments below or on my social sites.

Till then,

Thelms