I can’t be the only woman who feels like dating in this era is absolute wildness. From the men who don’t know what they want to the boys who think they do. Dating in your 20s feels a lot like being a competitor in the 400m dash — passing no good men up until you reach the finish line (with the man of your dreams). A stretch in comparison? Maybe, but hey dating is tough and I’ve been going at it with intent for almost 4 months and I’m TIRED y’all.
I’m tired of the time wasters, the pop in and pop outers, the “I want to keep getting to know you” ones with no actual intent of doing so, let me take you out on one date and then you should give me the goods type… whew it’s exhausting.
I don’t know that 16 year old Thelma could have ever properly prepared herself for dating now.
But here I am, trying to get through it all and find a lil’ dip in the process.
Ha! I’m kidding, or am I? LOL.
As women in our 20s we are at a unique time in our lives, where becoming is more important than anything else.
We want to become amazing people, who do amazing things all while looking amazing doing those things.
So it then stands to reason, that we wouldn’t be mad at having an amazing partner to share in this period of becoming that we have immersed ourselves into.
Which leads to the desire to actively date.
More nights out on the town become a right of passage and a collection of numbers come along as par the course. & it’s exciting. It’s exciting in the beginning when you don’t know anything about the guy and all you have is a number with a text the next morning that reads, “Hey, it’s _______________.”
You haven’t reached the point of hating that he never puts the toilet seat down after he uses the bathroom or getting pissy about him being out at all hours of the night. None of that is a thing yet.
You’re just in a state of thrill because you have a new number of someone that caught your eye (who’s eye you clearly caught) and the motions are beginning.
Texts become phone calls that turn into nights on the town with the one guy. & can I just say how thankful I am that texts become phone calls?! I actually hate texting and would prefer guys to just call. I don’t have the kind of time some of these guys wish I had to be texting you back and forth all day.
Anyway. The thrill is still there and as women our mind begins taking us away.
I don’t care how OG you claim to be, as a woman your mind will always take you away. Now whether you act on it or how you handle your mind rebelling is totally up to you sis.
In any case it happens, and it’s usually then that the fuckery ensues.
The man becomes a boy:
- who ghosts you after so many dates and then returns as if nothing happened
- who initiates plans and doesn’t follow through
OR
Your mind doesn’t even get a chance to take you away because the guy starts with the bullshit early on. Causing you to throw out feelers and begin the cycle of getting to know someone else all over again.
Le’sigh.
The good thing about dating, the one good thing I’ve noticed — you’re not tied down to any one thing. So ladies, never make the mistake of throwing out your roster of men for one that seems to be acting right. Emphasis on seems to be. You are dating and in so many ways the point of the roster is to weed out bad players until you find your star athlete.
Now for my personal PSA,
I just wish my time would stop being wasted, ya know? I wish that men would be more intentional about what they want or don’t want. If you meet a woman and exchange numbers, plan a meet up and follow through. I don’t need a pen pal, I want a man who is more than a texting buddy. That would make things a lot easier because what better way to find out if someone is for you or not by spending time with them face to face. & if you’re dating a woman, taking them out and after a month or three realize you want a change in pace or partner — communicate that. Is it so hard to let someone know where your head is at? Or if you’re the guy that is constantly telling a girl how much you want them, do you ever plan on doing something about it? From personal experience, saying will never excite me as much as doing will. Oh and my personal favorite — if you’re going to disappear, STAY GONE.
Is my PSA aggressive? I don’t think so. It aligns perfectly with the wildness that comes with dating. It’s everything my girls and I are so over when it comes to the whole process.
That is…
Until we see a beautiful couple or get put on to a beautiful love story and then it makes that wildness mostly worth it.
Oh the perils of dating…
To finding the guy that makes the wildness worth it,
Thelms
friendly reminder, new blog posts on With Love, Thelms every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for you babes’ viewing pleasure.
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